Here is when I tell you my own experience as detailed as I can, hopefully finding someone else out there who can relate and share a similar situation.

To answer my dentist’s question, surprisingly enough, I did meet someone, but I never got a chance to tell my dentist because he moved on to the next question, to the next cavity I had. For many travelers, short-term or long-term traveling , boundaries are lowered, social habits are sparked and fired, and minds are open to anything that comes in the way. You are innocent and, like a child, our minds are in a place where you try everything at least once even if you don’t know what effects it has.  So, my child-like mind found me self a foreign lover (try saying this sentence in a Scottish accent). A foreign lover who yet speaks a hint of English, but a sprinkle of Swedish. I’ve found that keeping a relationship with no common language and, on top of that, a long-distant relationship is kind of out of a traveler’s expectation when traveling abroad.

I am a native Chinese and English speaker, first generation Chinese. I grew up with a Chinese-American culture mixed with a large Mexican community. I am able to catch on a language very quickly, but never had to actually use the languages to communicate my emotions.

He is Christian Syrian, grew up in Syria with an Islamic influence. Gender roles are highly significant within the culture, but he has mellowed down from the equality that Sweden has. He speaks only Arabic and a bit Swedish for work. He’s really bad with languages and has a really thick Arab accent when he tries to mimic my English.

However, overall, we both are just human, we have the same feelings of happiness, sadness, excitement, love, anger, jealousy, and pain. Therefore, cultural differences isn’t the first factor that keeps an international relationship, the first factor is communication.

From the moment I met him, it was only physical and when we try to communicate, it consisted of only arm movements and reading of the body language. It was all dandy, we both mastered the art of arm and body language until it was time to express our feelings. At first, we lacked an emotional and intimate connection, I question if what I feel is conveying to him in the same way it would in my own language. We didn’t talk about much, we spoke in broken one worded sentences, but somehow we found a way to communicate in our own language. A combination of Swedish/English/Arabic.

Now you ask, how do we communicate without a common language? Google translate helped a lot, though never really accurate, it gets to the point. Also, if one party decides to take up the first language of the other party, it gives the relationship more volume. Learning Arabic was exciting, but I expected myself to be fluent after one summer and I wasn’t at all, so it shot my motivation and patience. Sharing music, going out in the city, shopping for groceries was a learning experience on it’s own, but it also helped us understand more about each other’s preferences.

Communication between couples with no common language is important especially non verbally. As is, knowing the difference between how you feel through your actions; a kiss should feel like a passionate kiss, a hug should be a gentle and tender hug, a look in the eyes should be filled with smiles and pounding heartbeats, and touch…touch should sent electric waves to your whole body. I mean I’m not saying that every time it should be like that, some people have off days and others good. In the end, actions really do speak louder than words.

We communicate on improv, we make up things or say things that we know we will understand together, he meets with me on Skype, he makes sure that he sends me a message daily, and we try to keep a love for each other. BUT, I just don’t feel it as much as he does. There are several reasons for this, but in the end, this is how relationships work right? You don’t feel that spark, you don’t have the constant thoughts of him inside your head. This could be another story, but if we had a common language in the beginning, maybe things would be different.

Is anyone out there who has a similar story? How do these relationships work?

Dandelion Traveler