Hi fellow traveling friends,
For a few weeks now, I have gotten used to my routine in the weekdays that consists of riding my bike to school, taking the 9 o’clock class, going on a 3-4 hour break, taking one more class and then ride my bike home or wait for my mom to pick me and my bike from school. During the weekends, I have some catering jobs on the side, hang out with Christina (my friend that I talk to the most and she’s leaving to Thailand in the beginning of November), or go to AIESEC meetings on Thursdays. AIESEC meetings sometimes makes me hate myself for not making enough time for what I loved but at the same time I’m happy to realize that AIESEC isn’t my life anymore. On occasion I would see myself content of being alone in my cafe everyday rather than having a conversation with someone else other than my friends online from Sweden or elsewhere. This is where it starts to get a little tricky…I might be having Swedish withdrawal or post culture shock of some sort.
Things I have been asking myself:
What if I don’t have any real friends in the end?
What am I doing right now and where will it bring me?
Should I just be content with being by myself all the time?
I feel like the only person I truly love right now is my mom. She’s always there for me and speaking about her just makes me realize that I love her even more. I love Ishak for giving me so much love that I probably don’t deserve from him. He makes so much time for me even when we are almost 5,500 miles away adding a 9 hour time difference!
With flashes of everyone’s life here and there everyday by encountering 2 min convos with people, I feel like I’m so envious of their lives. Am I doing the things I want to be doing right now? Should I have more time for my friends here? I’m completely and utterly lost in my small routine world. (I don’t have a car anymore because I tried to keep the European car-free lifestyle with me.) I used to be doing so much more! I’m graduating in the Spring and I’m scared of what’s next because I’m scared of my relationship with Ishak or finding a job, or the fact that I’m counting down to the day I’m going to be thrown out into the world to be a so-called “grown-up”. God, I need to lighten up and salsa dance more.
Rant for today, done.
Dandelion Traveler (or maybe because I’m not traveling!)
dandeliontraveler 
Ive been back for about 3 months now from my year abroad in madrid. not a day goes by where i dont think about it. im going back for winter break. but i still wonder what i miss about it, was the the lifestyle? The fact that i was free to do whatever with few responsibilities? I wonder if im just chasing a dream. was the temporariness of it all what made it different? Europe is great, and having lived abroad I wonder if anyone who wasnt there with me could understand this. ive integrated back into us society but i fear that one day ill just get over madrid and move on.
Hey Eric,
I understand exactly what you are going through, if you loved your life and your experience enough there in Europe, you can move there. There are endless opportunities and that’s why after I studied abroad in Sweden, I went back to Sweden in the winter, like you. I also went to study abroad in Jordan for a summer. It just became a lifestyle to me and I won’t forget what wonderful adventures all of it gave me and I hope it’s the same for you. Good luck.