Yes, I barely got back from Jordan just three months ago. Yes, I’m really sad that I don’t have any upcoming travels around this beautiful world. And oh yes, I’m facing many challenges facing the real world outside of traveling.

What really sucks right now is that I’m facing the real world, the world that I didn’t quite expect. I have been so busy traveling and going to school that I didn’t have time to think about what will be next. I lived moment by moment. You know, after graduating with a B.A., having worked since I was 15, and volunteering for a student organization for 2 years for international experience, I was confident that I wouldn’t have that much of a trouble to land a job, but it’s much tougher out there and it has been really hard. The month of November kicked my ass. Many rejections from jobs that I spent hours writing resumes and cover letters for. Rejection from romantic relationships. Rejection from myself, feeling unworthy or not good enough. I was dancing and performing, but I haven’t been myself to enjoy it fully. I’m just not myself these days.

Self-worth has been my most challenging topic since I came back. I wasn’t like this when I was in Jordan. I was happy exploring, doing things, learning, feeling, and dancing, but once I come back things are just so much harder to deal with. I feel like I’m just average or I’m second best. That’s not enough for me. I want to be the best I can be at my fullest potential, but I’m stuck. I’m also poorer than poor and I have a degree to prove it.

I’m lost and at a low point. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s a bad time to look for jobs, maybe I’m not working smart enough, or maybe I just need to travel again. I can further my education and study something that I really like, but where am I going to find the money?

However, my life is not completely melodramatic and theatrical. I did have a light shine on me today. I got more days to work for my catering company and I made it onto a dance company that I’ve been eyeing since the first time I saw them perform. I’m internally grateful for these two things today because there hasn’t been so much going for me this past month. Tinybuddha.com also helps me too. This month of November wasn’t really good, but it’s good to know that it’s not my whole life, it’s just the day, the week, the month. It will pass and I will RISE!

Wants some love and positive energy,

Dandelion Traveler

03 Dec This entry was published on December 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm and is filed under Diary, Funny Story, People. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.