Hello from London,
So it is an hour and a half until I land for my layover in London. It wasn’t too bad of a flight sitting there not being able to sleep because my head is dangling from my body. I had white wine for my dinner which I was really excited about, but then my face turned flush red and my heart started to beat faster. I met my seat neighbors, Debbie and Max, they were decent seat buddies. They were perfect because it’s not the usual big hairy guy who gets the middle seat and takes up all the arm space and crosses over my boarder and then tickles me with his nasty arm hair. No, Debbie and Max were adorable. They are about 50 or 60 years old and in great shape. Debbie has perfect short haircut with blond hair, perfect teeth, and beautiful blue eyes. Max, I think that’s his name, was really sweet. They are headed to Rome for her birthday and it was their first time in Europe. When they watched movies on the screen in front of us, they tried to time the same movie so they both are watching it at the same time sharing a pair of earphones. Really cute.
 |
| Thanks to the AIESEC girls for helping me pack! |
My family sent me to the airport thanks to my mom especially for this journey. She has been the greatest support and fan I ever could ask for. I really love her to death and I’m so glad and grateful to have her as my mommy. I will miss my mom, sister, and dad.
London is really close on my destination screen in front of me. What’s also really close is meeting the guy whom I fell in love with when I was 18 and ever since I said goodbye to him in June of last year it has been somewhat exhausting and free since he’s been gone. Now, we decided to see each other for a few hours on my layover. Ever since my mom, sister, dad, and my sister’s boyfriend dropped me off at the airport, I was feeling really nervous for this whole trip. I felt a shock of adrenaline to my heart when I thought about seeing him, sort of like when you perform on stage and that feeling you get from being excited, pumped, yet nervous at the same time. I have played almost every situation in my head upon meeting up with him so that I won’t be too surprised at what would happen. Though I followed my heart to see him, I don’t have any expectations. I believe that this could be good for me. It can add a little spice into my life. You do some interesting things when it comes to something that was once a huge deal in your life.
 |
| Piccadilly Circus |
Here I am, nervous to see this dude as I arrived in Piccadilly Circus from the Underground Metro. Surprisingly my phone still worked from the last time I went to the UK, so I contacted him when I was in front of the place we are supposed to meet. I saw him and we hugged. Nothing too special and then we went straight to the Waterloo Station because we bought tickets to go on the London Eye (which is definitely not worth 18 pounds/$34 dollars if you ever plan to ride it). After the London Eye, we walked to Westminster Abbey and the Big Ben then back to Piccadilly Circus to eat a late lunch on the steps of the famous fountain. It was about 3:40 PM and it was time for me to head back to the Heathrow Express. In the time I spent with him, he hasn’t changed a bit. He was still the same guy that I met two years ago. Cartoon t-shirts with a black jumper, puma shoes, and a smoking habit. Somehow it was a good familiar feeling. However, when I say nothing has changed, nothing has changed. He says that he is still engaged to be married to his fiancée! All this time I’ve been looking at her profile, she has been with another guy though! I don’t understand. I just wanted to scream, “TELL ME THE TRUTH!” But what good would that do? We talked about our year and I asked about his relationship with her. I just feel that it wasn’t the whole truth.
At first when he said he was still with her after I asked him if there was someone special in his life (because I thought he was single), he said that it was still her after a really long pause. I think he said that because he doesn’t want to admit that there is nothing going on and using her to cover his loneliness? However, when I saw his phone, she was at the top of his list. When he was talking about her, I felt this familiar rush of loneliness and frustration. It stabbed me through the heart to hear that he is still with her and that he can’t seem to move on to someone else. It hurt me because it’s been sad to see that she could be a part of his life and also date other people. However, it wasn’t all nostalgic. I didn’t feel that connection with him anymore, the urge to talk and tell him everything or the urge to kiss him. I wanted to give him a longer hug. I wish he held me longer so I can feel the warmth of the guy I once loved. I really did love him actually. The perfect boring story would be that he loves me and we can live happily ever after.
“So you are really going to marry her?”
“Yea, I mean she’s going to move in with me. I put her name on the lease and once she finds a job down here she will move in.”
He owns an apartment with two bedrooms with three stories. The second story is the kitchen and living room and the third story is the two bedrooms. What does that sound like it leads to? A full-time job with a fiance and two bedrooms.
I smiled and responded because I really care about what he does in the future. When the time was up we went on the last stop together on the underground and I hugged him goodbye.
As you are reading this it may sound like I’m so madly in love with him and I want to have babies, but it’s not like that. You know, to be honest, I think I will always love ‘him’. ‘Him’ being the guy that was in San Jose. ‘Him’ being the first person who made me feel loved and safe. I think it’s okay to feel love for someone.
It was good that I saw him and it wasn’t too big of a mistake. I got the closure that I wanted. To see him again, to make it official that I feel that we can only be friends. It hurts to feel rejected but I’ve moved on.
On the other hand, I’m going to SWEDEN! This has always been my dream to study abroad and now I’m on my way to live it. This is where my journey begins. I hope it’s filled with laughter and joy. I hope that I can come back to California and feel completely great about myself after seeing a part of the world.
For those of you who are reading my blog and didn’t understand what I just wrote…just start on the next blog. =)
From London,
Dandelion Traveler
dandeliontraveler 
